My "Forest Elf" is on vacation

I have a "Forest Elf" stand up that I keep folded up underneath my desk at work.  It was part of a promotion in my "Children's Dept", and I keep meaning to take it home with me.  It's sat under there for a long time and I forgot about it.  The other day I noticed it was missing and I thought "Great, someone threw it away".  I called my ASM and asked her where it went and she sheepishly told me that my Head Cashier has it with her on her Honeymoon and is going to set it up in various places and take pictures like the "Forest Elf" is on vacation.  Great.  Now I have to act surprised when it arrives back in my Office and they present me with the pictures.  I'd have rathered it never left underneath my desk..

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~not so good at stuff like this

 

 

ANATOMY OF A DIVORCE PROCEEDING...

I Sleep in.  Get up and eat a Ham sammich with fresh fried chips (that I bought at the new Schnucks).  Watch some TV.  Tumble some clothes.  Wash some David.  Get dressed.  Worry about the location of the Divorce Proceedings.  Call the phone number on the notice.  Get an "AWAY" message.  Find my leather folder (it has my initials on it).  Put all my documents into the folder.  Call my ex-Wife for clairifacation.  She's already left.  I think I know where I'm going.  I bring a book to read while in the Courtroom.  Drive to Clayton.  Pass a building called "The Family Court Building".  Worry about the location of the Divorce Proceedings.  Try to call the phone number on the notice.  Accidently redials my ex-Wife.  Hang up embarassed.  Call the phone number on the notice.  Get an "AWAY" message.  Head to the COURTS Building in Clayton anyway.  Think to myself, "Don't forget to leave your pocketknife in the car" [The COURTS Building has metal detectors].  Put $2.00 in coins in the meter.  Walk to the COURTS Building.  Talk to the Deputy to find out if I'm in the correct building.  I am.  Empty out my pockets to go thru the metal detector.  Discover that I have forgotten to leave my pocketknife in my car.  Walk back to my car.  Leave my pocketknife in the car.  Walk to the COURTS Building.  Go thru the metal detector.  Take two escalators up to the 2nd Floor.  Find the correct Court Room.  I am early.  Enter the Court Room to find the Court Official is already speaking to the assembled petitioneers.  Sit down hastily so as to not interrupt her speech.  End up sitting directly behind my ex-Wife and her twin sister.  It puts them in a tizzy.  They whisper.  A lot.  I turn off my cell phone so it won't interrupt the Judge when he is speaking.  I read.  The Court Official has some questions about our paperwork.  We leave to meet in a small room at the back of the Court Room.  We answer her questions.  We are ready to go.  The Judge is explaining the procedures.  The Judge calls the petitioneers.  My ex-Wife's twin sister's cell phone rings and it interrupts the Judge when he is speaking.  The Ballif gestures for her to leave the Court Room.  She leaves.  I listen to the Judge speaking.  My ex-Wife's twin returns.  The Judge calls us up third.  The Judge asks my ex-Wife all the questions that are on the petition.  She answers "Yes" to them all.  The Judge asks me a lot of questions.  I answer "Yes Sir" to them all.  The Judge thanks us.  I am Divorced.  Walk out of the Court Room.  Drink at the water fountain.  Follow my ex-Wife and her twin down two escalators.  They stop outside in the freezing cold to huddle together and smoke.  I walk past and onto my car.  Get into my car and drive home.  I call all my Friends and Family and tell them the good news.  A song is bubbling in my heart.  And I smile...

 

David<~~~~~~~a single man again!

 

                        (to celebrate I fry two pork steaks, and have them with white gravy, toast and corn)

 

I couldn't wait any longer

::sigh::

I close my eyes and let her voice wash over me, roll my head like I'm in water, so smooth, and so comforting.  A sad thought, a soft word. I ride the wave that is her voice, the rhythm propels me along towards the horizon and she makes me happy... 

 

For those of you that know and love her, and for those of you that have never met her, I'd like to introduce...

 

Ms Nina Simone

 

"Like a flower waiting to bloom, like a light bulb in a dark room, I'm here waiting for you to come on home and turn me on.  Whoo.  Turn me on.  Whoo.  Turn me on.  Whoo.  Whoo.  The high-fi is waiting for the new tune, and my glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes.  I'm just sitting here waiting for you to come home and turn me on.  Whoo.  Turn me on.  Whoo.  Turn me on.  Whoo.  Turn me on.  Turn me on.  Turn me on."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Today at work, I popped off the "A", "S", and "D" keys on the keyboard, rearranged them, and popped them back into place.  My Office PC keyboard now reads..."DAS")

 

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ornery (but I'm smiling)

 

                                      (and that's gotta count for something)

The Night Before

It's almost over.  1:30pm tomorrow in the Court House.  I was going to get my suit cleaned but I changed my mind.  Suits are for making good impressions.  Sitting in a waiting room with my soon to be ex-Wife warrents slacks and a polo.  I'll be pleasant, it's how I am.  But on the inside...

 

 

David<~~~~~~~Laughing!

 

 

 

 

 

(Originally I put "Laughing" then changed it to "Smiling" then changed it back to "Laughing", I didn't want to seem flip or mean, but I don't care, it's how I feel, I will be laughing, and it will feel GOOD.  I deserve some laughter after what I have been through...DAS)

 

 

Just spent a couple of hrs going thru old entries on my journal...

poem for today

 

the day is short

the day is long

my time is now

my time is gone

I see before me

I see behind

I'm out of chances

I'm out of time

I turn to see it

I turn away

I look tomorrow

I look today

to find my love

to find my heart

it's time to quit

it's time to start

so say hello

or say goodbye

I'll never quit

I'll always try

 

( this is an old poem I forgot about earlier in my Journal... ::shakes it out to air:: )

 

                 David<~~~~~~~~~sentimental

::dancing with Nina::

Is is possible to fall in love with a woman you never met?  Never laid eyes on?  Even if she died in 2003?  Nina Simone really speaks to me.  Tonight I looked her up, she's black, and I have never seen a more beautiful woman.  I'm just now coming to appreciate what she accomplished during her life.  I am happily listening to Ms Simone at this very moment...

"I walked the lonely streets, I watch the people passing by, I used to smile and say hello, guess I was just a happy girl, and you happened, this feeling that possesses me, I just can't believe myself, I guess it all just had to be, I used to have a brain, I used to think of many things, I used to watch the falling rain, and listen to the sweet birds sing, and you happened, this feeling that posseses me, I just can't believe myself, I guess it all just had to be, every single word you hear now, it's coming right from my heart, this heart of mine, I've never felt like this before, a love like yours, so young and fine, now as I try to forget you, it doesn't work out anyway, cause I lost you such a long time ago, but in my eyes you'll always stay, and you happened, this feeling that possesses me, I just can't believe myself, I guess it all just had to be..."  NINA SIMONE

 

 

                          David<~~~~~~~~~dancing with Nina

 

 

Talking to a pretty girl...

Did I mention that I'm talking to a pretty girl?

 

David<~~~~~~~~~grinning like a loon

 

 

fleeting...

THIS I KNOW:  No matter how far you fall, no matter what has gone on before it is all fleeting.  In one single moment...a sound carried on the wind, a smell that brings back childhood memories, the taste of a new exotic dish, the smile of a pretty girl that is trying to get your attention; in one single moment, it is all forgotten...

 

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~likes smiling

 

 

 

::the sound of wind chimes::

     Today at work I had a visit from my boss, first of two days and it went very well.  I leave work and scoot on home and as I get out of my car I stop and listen.  I swear I can hear it.  I walk over to my mailbox and open it.  Inside is the normal amount of mail, mostly bills for Ray, but the very last is one for me.  It's from the Court and I smile.  I take my treasure and walk up the drive grinning like a fool.  Inside I open the letter and I have a court date on Feb. 6th for the Final Divorce Proceedings.  I can't describe the amount of noise that I make, but after galloping around my house for a bit I stop in my kitchen and become very still... the sound of wind chimes fills my heart with joy.  If you stop and listen real carefully, you can hear me smiling even now.  I have my whole life ahead of me...

 

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a happy man

 

 

 

Dancing in a Conga Line...

REMINDER:  One shouldn't brag that one didn't lose power during an Ice Storm, while the afore mentioned Ice Storm is still going on...

 

David<~~~~~~~~managed to 'CURSE' himself

 

 

E. E. CUMMINGS wrote this poem...

 

 

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;my darling)

                                                 i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

 

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

 

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

 

 

 

 

 

David<~~~~~~a very bad poet (but I love it so)

 

 

Thinking about revving up my Match.com Profile

I am not looking for the perfect woman, just the woman that is perfect for me.  I was a poseur till I figured out that the counter culture was just as snobby as the Frat Boys.  I worked for KB Toys for 14 yrs and I am now the Store Manager of a big box retailer.  Family is important to me, and I want one of my own (my biological clock is Big Ben)!  I am looking for a friend, a girlfriend, a lover, a fiance, a wife, and a mother for my children.  I have experienced failures in my life and many great successes, I prefer the latter.  I'm a pretty "Take Charge" kind of a guy ::shrugs:: it's what I am good at.  I always try to do the right thing, and I am polite to a fault.  I do not drink alcohol nor do I smoke.  In the group shot photo: it's Shamu, my brother's ex-step children, My Mom, and some goofy guy on the back.  I watch people.  The other day while driving, I saw a woman with her bare feet sticking out of the passenger window of the car she was riding in, and she was laughing.  Things like that make me smile...

 

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~~getting right back on the horse!

     (too goofy to know any better I guess)

Good News...Bad News

 

 

GOOD NEWS:  Phantom my gay stalker is MIA!

BAD NEWS:  Sunny, BA's Room Bull is still fixating on me...

 

GOOD NEWS:  I am down to 255 lbs!

BAD NEWS:  I'm going to have to buy all new clothes...

 

GOOD NEWS:  My divorce is almost final!

BAD NEWS:  It's time to start dating again...

 

GOOD NEWS:  I'm still an Atheist!

BAD NEWS:  Most of the women claim to be Christians...

 

GOOD NEWS:  I am seriousily attracted to women my age!

BAD NEWS:  Women my age can't have kids anymore...

 

GOOD NEWS:  I will never never never quit!

BAD NEWS:  The odds are NOT in my favor...

 

                                   

 

                                             ::sigh::

 

 

 

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~not letting the turkeys get me down!

Wishing you and yours a Happy Holidays!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

             &

 HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

                                   (David<~~~~~~~~~~one tired mofo)

 

 

Weight Loss Update!

At my heaviest I was 318 lbs.  The first time I tried to lose weight I got down to 273.  This latest attempt I became stuck at 260 for the longest time.  Bouncing back and forth between 265 and 260.  This morning I weighed in at...

 

         259 lbs!

 

Yay me!

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~slightly skinner than yesterday

 

 

 

Just got in from the Concert...

Back during my National Meeting I spoke with the rep from American Gramaphone for a bit and he wanted to know if I wanted some tickets to see Mannheim Steamroller in Concert?  HECK YA!  So I got 12 tickets and a bunch of us from work went to the concert this evening.  Very enjoyable...

 

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~Got invited backstage but I declined

 

(they couldn't take all 12 of us, so it didn't seem fair)

 

 

Music can change your life

THE PRISONER

 

it's cold outside

the sleet rains down

making an insect sound

as it bounces off the branches

and the rain gutters

filling up the spaces

between the blades of grass

it's just so unfair

an ugly lie

that I can't return

I didn't deserve this

and it overwhelms me

filling me with rage

I leap upright

and rush at the window

violently yanking the cord

to raise the blinds

I thrust my face against the glass

knocking my cap off

and I scream at the world

my breath rushes out

like an explosion

and fogs the glass

and my features

are obscurred through the pane

I could be anyone

standing at the window

shaking and full of anger

glaring at the winter landscape

a prisoner of my actions

a victim of my own decisions

and I blink

and I'm seated again

the blinds are in place

and full of undisturbed dust

did I just do that?

did I just lose it?

no one will ever know

no one will ever understand

the only witness

is a cord

slowly swinging

for no reason at all

 

 

by DAS on a cold winter's day

 

 

David<~~~~~~some kind of fool

 

                 ::capers::

 

 

I just bought a new CD

NEW ORDER 

 

my life is in a New Order

but I stand on CEREMONY again

I lead the PROCESSION of fools

while EVERYTHING'S GONE GREEN

the TEMPTATION is to allow

myself a BLUE MONDAY

and to wallow in CONFUSION

while THIEVES LIKE US

steal THE PERFECT KISS

a whole SUB-CULTURE

of SHELLSHOCK cases

and the STATE OF THE NATION

is a BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE

and my TRUE FAITH

hasn't existed since 1963

and TOUCHED BY THE HAND OF GOD

I spin

move my feet to the beat

and look towards the floor

the music moves me

and I dance my cares away

in my head it's 1984

and all my successes

and all my failures

are still before me

and I miss that time

when I didn't know

how this feels

so I put on a song

spin again

move my feet to the beat

and dance in my dreams again

 

by das nov two thousand and six

 

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a good dancer!

 

 

 

 

Do you believe in Love?

 

Howdy Faithful Readers,

 

     I just got the latest statistics on my Webshots Albums, my Florida and Missouri collections both made the top 20 Albums on the site.  That and $3.50 can get you a cup of coffee...

     Tomorrow I have been invited to eat Thanksgiving Dinner with my ASM and her Mom, we are having duck.  The Perpetual Teetotaler is bringing two bottles of wine (thanks to Ray), it should be lots of fun.

     My Family are all in Florida:  Mom, Dad, Mam-Ma, Mark and his girlfriend are all staying in Ft. Myers for the holiday.  They are bringing back Mam-Ma's car and giving it to Darrel and Dad will be visiting me on Sunday evening, I am looking forward to spending time with Popsidoodle.

 

Do you believe in Love?

I do...

 

 

 

                        David<~~~~~~~~Official Hopeless Romantic

 

                                    (and I will never give up)

 

 

 

Nina Simone holds me in her arms and sings for me...

COTTON-EYE JOE

(Traditional)

 

If it hadn't been for cotton-eye joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from. Where did you go?
Where did you come from cotton-eye joe?

(repeat)

He came to town like a midwinter storm
He rode through the fields so
Handsome and strong
His eyes was his tools and his smile was his gun
But all he had come for was having some fun

(repeat intro)

He brought disaster wherever he went
The hearts of the girls was to hell broken sent
They all ran away so nobody would know
And left only men cause of cotton-eye joe

(repeat intro)

 

 

A SMALL HOPE

There is a little bit of hope for me

A small shot left at happy

There is a flicker shining in the dark

A small flame left over from the spark

There is a chance I'm willing to take

A small chance to fix my life's mistake

Can I shoulder on through the night?

Do I think happiness is worth the fight?

Or will I continue on like I have?

Surviving only to...

 

(a work in progress)

 

 

David<~~~~~~a poet, and my feet show it, they are LONGFELLOWS!

 

 

The Divorce Papers are signed and notorized!

The signing and notorizing of the Divorce Papers went very well.  The Papers will be filed on Monday.  It's weird how light I feel now, like I could just float away...

 

David<~~~~~~who always did the right thing even when it was really hard

 

                ::HUGE GRIN::

 

 

 

I had Corporate Buyers in my Store today for a visit...

I had my District Mgr and four Buyers from NY in my Store today.  My Store looked great, I have an excellent staff and everyone did a great job...

 

The pictures above are from the 4th Qtr/Holiday/Store Birthday Party that we had in the Store on Nov 6th...

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Manager Type

 

(it's good to be the King...)

 

 

The other shoe has fallen

Well better late than never.  I am meeting 'My EX' this Thursday to sign the Divorce papers and they will be filed this Friday (insert ominous music here)...

 

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a good guy

 

(and I feel pretty darn good)              : )

 

 

 

Some flims you might want to see...

Here is a little tid bit for you Movie Buffs out there...

 

Run, don't walk to go see...

BORAT!

Hands down the funniest movie I have seen all year long.  This film is wrong in so many ways I cannot begin to describe them.  The best money you will ever spend on a comedy.

"KAZAKHSTAN GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.
ALL OTHER COUNTRIES ARE RUN BY LITTLE GIRLS.
KAZAKHSTAN NUMBER ONE EXPORTER OF POTASSIUM.
OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE INFERIOR POTASSIUM.

KAZAKHSTAN HOME OF TINSHEIN SWIMMING POOL.
IT’S LENGTH THIRTY METER AND WIDTH SIX METER.
FILTRATION SYSTEM A MARVEL TO BEHOLD.
IT REMOVE 80 PERCENT OF HUMAN SOLID WASTE.

KAZAKHSTAN, KAZAKHSTAN YOU VERY NICE PLACE.
FROM PLAINS OF TARASHEK TO NORTHER FENCE OF JEWTOWN.
KAZAKHSTAN FRIEND OF ALL EXCEPT UZBEKISTAN.
THEY VERY NOSEY PEOPLE WITH BONE IN THEIR BRAIN.
KAZAKHSTAN INDUSTRY BEST IN THE WORLD.
WE INCENTED TOFFEE AND TROUSER BELT.
KAZAKHSTAN’S PROSTITUTES CLEANEST IN THE REGION.
EXCEPT OF COURSE TURKMENISTAN’S

KAZAKHSTAN, KAZAKHSTAN YOU VERY NICE PLACE.
FROM PLAINS OF TARASHEK TO NORTHER FENCE OF JEWTOWN.

COME GRASP THE MIGHT PHENIS OF OUR LEADER.
FROM JUNCTION WITH THE TESTES TO TIP OF ITS FACE!"

(the Kazakhstan National Anthem)

 

I saw a film the other day on IFC on cable.  It was called "The Station Agent".  Won three SUNDANCE Film Awards for 2003.  I ran out and bought the DVD and am loaning it to my co-workers to watch.  I honestly believe that this movie captures what it feels like to be me, David Austin Smith.  Not one character or one certain scene, but all characters, all scenes, rolled into one.  I really loved the film, you should rent it, or I'll loan it to you to watch...

 

David<~~~~~~~~~flims critic

 

(THAT IS FILM REFERENCE IN CASE YOU MISSED IT)