Friday, June 25, 2010

I have pushed the Red Button!



(that's the one where you spend a
crazy amount of money on a bicycle)


IN MY DEFENSE, THIS IS THE
MODEL THAT I PURCHASED:


(Don't hate me because my bike is beautiful)

Tif and I went down to a local bike shop and I laid my money down. When my bike arrives I'll take down all the crazy accessories that I have so the bike shop guys can install them correctly. I already have my bike carrier, it hooks to the trailer hitch on DEERSLAYER (my silver Pontiac Vibe). Once my bike is all assembled, I'll take an actual picture and post it here. No one can tell me what the tank bell sounds like on my bike. The closest is a guy on the phone at the bike shop said that it's annoying and electronic sounding. I may end up buying a horn anyway. If I did it'd be one of these:


Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

Our Intrepid Hero turns and faces stage right.

Hero "Just a moment, I'm coming"

Dog runs in circles excited to have a visitor.

Our Hero crosses the room and unlocks the door.

Door opens to reveal a tattooed delivery man holding a package.

Dog "Hruff!"

Hero "Cool Beans!"

Hero steps outside and signs for package.

Delivery Man reads signature.

Delivery Man "David?"

Hero "Yep! ROCK ON, I was hoping these would come today!"

Hero steps back inside and carries the package back to the couch with trembling hands.

Dog races Our Hero across the room and jumps up on the sofa.

Our Intrepid Hero sits down & picks up his laptop and resumes blogging about his new bike...

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I love getting packages delivered to my house. If you're forgetful it's like a suprise Birthday Gift!

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Shall we see what's in the box?
Numbered List

  1. Schwinn Valve Caps
  2. Chubby's Cruisers Bicycle Cup Holder - Black
  3. Empty Bicycle Bell
  4. MP3 Bicycle Handlebar Speakers
  5. LED Handlebar Endcap Plugs
  6. Orbit Wheel Light Set

(if you are interested in seeing
what these look like I invite you to
visit the site where I purchased them)
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The only things I have been dissapointed with are the bicycle flag and pole & the lockable bike rack box. I didn't notice some rust and missing chrome on the flag pole in the ebay picture. The lockable bike box arrived as grey/black instead of black and there was a scuff in the plastic top during shipping. ELVIS said 'TCB" = David sez "NBD" Get it? Get it? If I have to explain the joke then I have failed. Shuffles off stage left...
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In closing I think QUEEN said it best:

I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like




Saturday, June 19, 2010

I'd like to sing you a song, it goes a little bit like this...

THE STARS AT NIGHT!
ARE BIG AND BRIGHT!
::CLAP::CLAP::CLAP::CLAP::
DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!

yes that's correct faithful reader, i'm at the ranch
it is impossibly hot and still here (and annoyingly)
the trees in the distance are swaying in a breeze
the tree i'm sitting under is calm
the only clue that there is life on this ranch
is the rattling of the cicadas
further up in the branches of this tree
that's not true, i can hear dogs barking at a kitten
that had the nerve to try and come inside
through THEIR doggie-door
they use it as an excuse
to chase the offender away
they really only like cats when they run
so they can chase them
what can i say, they are dogs
mom sold off all her cattle and goats
now the hillside pasture is going to weeds
really really fast
she had her friends bring over some goats
one billy and 5 nannies
oh, and Osama Bin Llama
he's a llama
he travels with the miniature herd
and keeps them safe from harm
so i thought large flightless birds were scary
the llama looks down on me and is easily
TWICE the weight of the emus
rut ruh
what do llamas want that only i can provide
ha
i end up spending 45 minutes standing in the blistering shade
hand feeding a llama horse pellets
llamas have tiny narrow mouths
and are very delicate as they remove
the feed from your cupped hand
and messy
Osama drops easily half of what he tries to eat
it's funny
now i have hand fed
a lion
a tiger
a bear
a giraffe
a camel
and
a llama
i should put this on my resume...


David<-----IN TEJAS!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Life Is Good!

Tif announces that she wants a SLURPEE. So we put our shoes on and motor down the street and grab a bite to eat at Mickey Dee's. We both have Double Hamburger Extra Value meals, Tif without onions, mine with extra (it's The Circle Of Life). Then we hop diagonally across the intersection to the closest 7-ELEVEN for the before mentioned libations. On the way home we stop at our local Public Library to pick up some reading material and a couple of movies for later on. Later on (::wink::) we are sitting on Tif's couch watching John Cusack woo his lady love in SAY ANYTHING. Mickey Dee's digested. SLURPEE's turning syrupy. Our books await. And I love Tiffany!



(things can get bad for me, but I can always
count on Tiffany to make me feel better)



David<~~~~~~~Lucky Guy!