Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Just so you know I'm not a TOTAL Football ignoramus...


MIZZOU beat Northwestern 30-23 in the Alamo Bowl in overtime last night...
(this is Tif sitting in the stands when she bought me tickets to see MIZZOU play K-State, we were a bit eager and arrived early, she's a good girlfriend!)


DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PARTIAL Football ignoramus!


Echidna approved...
























My journal got a hit from Australia. How fun is that? I like to think it was instigated by a 'outdoorsy' type that took their wireless laptop out into the bush and was banging around on-line. Then they smelled smoke and noticed a nearby wildfire and had to run back to their vehicle to escape the flames leaving their laptop open and running on a rock. Along comes an echidna fleeing the approaching fire. It runs across the keypad of the laptop in just the right combination to call up my Journal and log a hit from Australia. The echidna pauses for a bit to marvel at the colorful layout on the computer screen before it continues it's flight from the approaching brush fire. Wow that's impressive, my journal is being read by an illiterate nocturnal toothless egg-laying spiny anteater. That's got to be a first...



David<~~~~~~~~~~~HUGE following from the order Monotremata!


Monday, December 29, 2008



I'm watching SuperBad, I'm supposed to be packing for my Vacation tomorrow. This is a picture of a faerie that I drew on my first laptop using PAINT. I went to Arby's and got some dinner. Lots of potato cakes. 3 packages. I'm a potato cakes kind of a guy. Potato cakes are good, I'm pretty sure if that if Hamas had potato cakes, Israel would not bomb them. That is because potato cakes rule the world. They are the secret rulers of the world. There are handshakes you have to learn in order to eat potato cakes. Secret handshakes. I have to take Snooky over to Tif's sister's house. She is going to watch the D O G while I'm in Florida. I'm going to miss my dog. But I can buy potato cakes while I'm on vacation in Florida. They do have Arby's in Florida don't they? I hope so. Otherwise Israel might bomb Florida. Potato cakes for world peace. Tonight MIZZOU is playing in a Bowl Game. I have NO CLUE who they are playing or the name of the Bowl Game. I bet they sell potato cakes at the concession stands. That is because potato cakes rule the world...

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~McLovin Potato Cakes!

We fly tomorrow...

I have a lot to do before the GF and I fly to Florida tomorrow. Cleaning, laundry, packing, dog sitting preperation, Christmas Tree removal...


David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BUSY BOY!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

David cracks a funny...

THE SCENE: The backroom of a Bookstore somewhere in St. Louis

(from the background of various comments being made around a breakroom table this is heard)


BOOKSELLER, "My mother said I was the prettiest girl in school"

SARCASTIC STORE MANAGER, "Were you home schooled?"


(the sound of laughing, snorting and high five's from the around the breakroom table, and they retell the joke over and over again as Booksellers wander by)



[and for the record the Bookseller is a nice pretty girl who thought the joke was hilarious]






DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sarcastic Store Manager!

Monday, December 22, 2008

One of my favorite Christmas songs...

FAIRYTALE OF NEW YORK
by The Pogues

It was christmas eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me,
wont see another one
And then he sang a song
To rare old mountain dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you


Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
Ive got a feeling
This years for me and you
So Happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true


They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When I first took your hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway's waiting for me

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas Day


You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead
on a drip in that bed
You scumbag,
you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing Galaway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas Day

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with me own
Cant we get on alone
I've built my dreams around you



(it sounds a bit rough, but to hear the Pogues sing it, will bring a tear to your eye, and I changed some of the lyrics to the way I hear them sing it, the official lyrics seem to contradict me...)

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Rambling Boy of Pleasure! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43KhJZhWbKI&feature=related

(Fiesta is tacked on at the end...BONUS!)

Saturday, December 20, 2008

OK, how cool is this?

I added a 'Gadget' that keeps track of where the visitors to my Journal are from! I just got visited by someone from The Netherlands and from China! How cool is that?


David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PRIME TIME BABY!

I went by the last KB Toys store in St. Louis last night

Tif was watching her neice last night and after work we took her to the Mills Mall to look at the last KB Toy Store in the STL area. As District Manager I opened this store and it is the last store of my old District to remain open. It is in full Closeout mode and all the toys are currently 40% off. I was worried that I would be upset to see another of my old stores going under but it was ok. Sad but this is part of life. Makes me want to work harder to make sure MY current store is doing well and the people that work there continue to have a job. I work with a good group of people, educated, nice, friendly folks. I work hard to make sure it stays that way. At my store we take care of our Customers and achieve the Company Goals. That is the only employment insurance I can give to my co-workers, and it will have to do.

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~PROUD TO HAVE WORKED AT KB TOYS!

(and prouder still of what we accomplish at my current store ::wink::)

Thursday, December 18, 2008

'BURP!' ::scratches butt::

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

It's 12:51am and I'm watchig Mad Max


I just finished eating my Microwave Hamburger (::shrugs:: I'm a health nut), and I found MAD MAX on Cable. So now I'm going to watch this movie and fall asleep on the couch. I have already set my alarm for 5am for work in the morning. All in all I have a good life. Nite~


David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HAPPY!

Monday, December 15, 2008

A typical conversation between myself and my dog SNOOKY...




::Whistles::

(Snooky runs towards me and sits as close as she can)

"Snooky!"

(Snooky jumps up onto the sofa on my left side and sits next to me facing away, looking at me over her shoulder desperatly waiting for me to say the word 'treat')

"Are you a good girl?"

(Snooky looks at me with her ears down)

"Good girl?"

(Snooky leans close to smell my breath to find out what I've been eating)

"Are you a good Witch or are you a bad Witch?"

(Snooky spins in a circle and gets excited)

"Are you a good Witch or a bad Witch?"

(Snooky leaps off the sofa and runs towards her rope chewie toy)

"Get it get it get it"

(Snooky vigorously shakes her rope chewie toy)

"Bring it here!"

(Snooky runs over to me without her rope chewie toy and jumps on the sofa)

'Where is it? Where's the toy?"

(Snooky never slows and leaps down off the sofa, runs back to her rope chewie toy and shakes it some more)

"Do you want a treat?"

(Snooky leaps up onto the sofa and thumps me on the chest with her front paws enough to hurt)

"Treat?"

(Snooky tries to run up my chest)

"I don't understand you Snooky, what are you trying to say?"

(Snooky drapes herself across my chest and tries to lick my face)

"I don't understand DOG, I wish you could speak English"

(Snooky runs across my lap stomping on all the wrong places and sprints to the kitchen to look at her Doggie Treat jar)

"I don't know what you are trying to tell me!"

(Snooky runs back into the room and thumps the ground in front of me with both of her front paws)

"What do you want?"

(Snooky thumps the ground with both of her front paws)

"Do you want a treat?"

(Snooky runs in a circle around the coffee table, jumps up on the sofa, back down again and makes a 'harumph' sound and thumps the ground with both of her front paws)

"Treat?"

(thumps)

"Treat?"

(thumps)

"OK, lets get you a treat..."

(Snooky beats me into the Kitchen and spins in circles underneath the Doggie Treat jar)

"Is this it? Is this your treat?"

(thumps)

"Here!"

(Snooky chases the treat I have tossed into the hall, scoops it up on a run and takes it to the living room in front of the TV, lays down, holds the treat down with her front paws and chews off a piece)

"Who's a good girl?"

(Snooky ignores me and eats her treat)

"Who's a good girl?"

(Snooky looks sideways at me as she scarfs down her treat)

"Good girl!"

(Snooky finishs her treat and runs towards me and sits as close to me as she can)

"Are you a good girl?"



and so it goes...




David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~needs to buy more Doggie Treats!


Sunday, December 14, 2008

I ALWAYS LIE...

How I spent my day off...




This is me working on my Christmas Cards while visiting the Missouri Botanical Gardens on Sunday 12/14/08. Thoughtful pose...










Tif and I spent the afternoon at The Missouri Botanical Gardens. They had their Christmas Train Display set up, and any excuse to take pictures of toy trians is good for me (editor's note: As I type this my Gecko is walking across the front of her glass Vivarium, she's taking her evening stroll). I've uploaded a few pics I took to my Journal. The remaining pics (and that is substantial) I have loaded to my Webshots site. The link is at the bottom of this entry. I just finished watching "Liza with a 'Z', it's her TV Special from 1972, that lady can sing! I'm now watching 'CHICAGO', the musical with Renee Zellweger, Catherine Zeta-Jones and suprisingly Richard Gere. My dog SNOOKY is sitting next to me on the sofa. She is also watching TV. She is always 1 second away from wanting to play tug with her rope toy. Life is a Cabaret old chum, come to the Cabaret! I love musicals... http://community.webshots.com/user/davidasinstl













David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~can't sing but CAN DANCE!










I'll give you a dollar if you can tell me who this is...



David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NERD!



I am SUCH a sucker for love stories

Hello Faithful Readers, I just finished watching 'Dan In Real Life' for the first time. Great movie! I love love stories...

David<~~~~~~~hopeless romantic

Saturday, December 13, 2008

KB TOYS files for banruptcy again and plans to close it's remaining 400 stores....

I worked for KB TOYS for 14 years. It is very personal for me to see them finally go under. I still walk past all the old locations here in St. Louis and remember who worked there and the good times we had. Thank You KB TOYS, you will be missed.

Bankrupt KB Toys Cleared to Liquidate - AOL Money & Finance

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~very sad!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

This is entitled TRACES and it was painted by John Agnew, one of my favorite artists!

ROD BLAGOJEVICH THE GOVERNOR OF ILLINOIS HAS BEEN ARRESTED ON CORRUPTION CHARGES

I am watching the Federal News Conference live. They have arrested Gov. Blagojevich for trying to sell the Senate seat vacated by President Elect Barack Obama. The countdown has started to how soon the Right Wing Nutjobs and FOX News will try and tie this to Barack himself. Let the wild accusations begin...


David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Obama supporter!

HAHaha

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=4oiLfTnrC40

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~LAFFIN!

Let me elaborate on FOOTBALL

Most of my friends cannot believe that I am following MIZZOU Football so closely. I don't even know the rules to the game. All during College I had the utmost disdain for Football Players and the mindless Alumni that funded them. ::shrugs:: I miss my buddy Pablo and I suspect that I am replacing my College memories of Paul with generalized MIZZOU hysteria. LOL. In college (at K-State and later at MIZZOU) I had some nasty run-in's with College Football Players and their criminal behavior. Rape, Assualt, Grade fixing, the usual stuff. It is NOT a good idea to live on the Dorm Floor that most of the College Football Players live on, you end up knowing WAY too much. So for years I hated Football players in general because of what I saw go on in College. Now, I'm watching MIZZOU football every time they play and I have stickers on my car... I even went to a game in person (and am planning to see the MIZZOU/Nebraska game next year), just goes to show, you never know...


David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MIZZOU FAN!

Friday, December 5, 2008

MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR...

It's December in St. Louis, so you know what that means!

::lays down on my kitchen floor and flaps my arms and legs::

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~making linoleum angels!



(I miss my buddy Pablo, I wish he would call me back)

Thursday, December 4, 2008


+++++++TWEEDLE DAVE!++++++++

I'm off today and I just finished watching "Made In Sheffield". It's a Documentary on the Electronic Music Scene from Sheffield England from the 80's featureing bands like The Human League, ABC, Heaven 17, and Cabaret Voltaire. Speaking of, I'm listening to "Here To Go" by Cabaret Voltaire, and "Don't Argue" is about to start playing on my turntable. Yes, I said turntable, I'm OLDE. I own records, and I still listen to them (some of the recordings I have will NEVER be transferred to CD). It's like being in a time machine, in my head at this very moment I'm dancing in my Dorm Room in Manhattan Kansas and all my college neighbors are convinced that I'm an alien from another planet...those were good times. I did not then, nor do I now, want to be like everyone else. They can have their Def Leppard and Ratt...::keeps dancing in my head::

Yesterday I was talking with the girlfriend on my way home from work and I ended up stuck in traffic at a dead stop near a train overpass and the passing train was SO LOUD. When the traffic started moving again I could see the train in my rear view mirror stretching car after car onto the horizon. I said, "That's why it was so loud, it's hauling coal, a huge long train FULL of coal". The girlfriend replies, "It must be delivering the presents for your Christmas Stocking" ::rim shot::



David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~loves me some Tiffany!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Zqizlkualc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS0QC1m4SO0&feature=related

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I get to see my Nephew on New Year's Eve!


I am fired up! Tif and I are flying down to Ft. Myers to visit with the FAMILY over New Year's Eve. I get to see my brand new shiney Nephew Conner (and my Parents, and my sister-in-law Dana, and I suppose my brother Mark). Mark just emailed me to confirm that we are exchanging Christmas presents in Florida (I promised presents for Conner, Mark-not so much). I kid I kid...


David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~almost Vacation Time!


Monday, December 1, 2008

The OBAMA Birth Certificate Controversy is a non-issue fabricatded by Right-Wing Nutjobs


I love the Internet, any old crazy can say whatever the heck they want and a different crazy can then quote the first crazy and use that to convince other crazies of whatever they can get away with. Our President Elect Barack Obama IS a Natural Born Citizen and IS our future President. The Conspiracy Nutjobs should spend their time on Area 51 and the Moon Landing...


David<~~~~~~~~~~~~NOT falling for the OBVIOUS smear campaign by Right Wing Nutjobs!
(I already had to fend off one of the afore mentioned 'crazies' from posting their dribble on my blog, Sorry Nutjobs, go find bandwidth somewhere else to spread your lies...DAS)
David<~~~~~~~~~~~~NOT falling for the OBVIOUS smear campaign by Right Wing Nutjobs!
(it needed saying again)

Thursday, November 27, 2008

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Holiday and good times with their Friends and Family! Eat Turkey, eat some Ham, but NO STUFFING! Cause eating Stuffing is just wrong...


David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GOURMET!

Monday, November 24, 2008

The GF & I took her neice to the ZOO!
















Tif and I took her Neice to the STL ZOO on Sunday. She really likes Elephants. We took her to the Children's Zoo and for a ride on the STL Zoo Railroad. When we returned to the original Train Station someone had stolen Tif's Parent's Graco Stroller. Tif cried and cried she was so upset. We are going to buy a new Stroller for her Parents. This message is for the people that stole the stroller: "The next time you ask yourself why one of your kids is in jail again, think of the day you stole the stroller. The next time someone you love OD's and you have to go to the Hospital, think of the day you stole the stroller. The next time all of your children are removed from your household by DFS, think of the day you stole the stroller..." EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAPPENS TO YOU IN YOUR LIFE IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO THE BAD DECISIONS YOU MAKE. WHEN THE BAD STUFF HAPPENS, IT IS YOUR FAULT!
DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~lil bit mad

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Friday, November 7, 2008

I like wind chimes...

I currently have 6 wind chimes hanging out on my balconey. Three traditional ones and three 'Asian' ones. One of the Asian ones is a GONG. The wind must be pretty strong cause I just heard it strike, and it's loud! I'll take some pictures of my wind chimes and post them on here some day, did I mention that I like wind chimes?

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~listening!

The LYRICS to a song by Adam Ant

PERSUASION

She's rich, she's powerful
She doesn't want to be a man (do do do do do)
She takes me as she finds me,
like only a woman can-an-an-an yeah-ah
She's tough, but vulnerable, I'd say adoring
I'd like to say we're perfect...
But you know that would be boring
Clap your hands,
pretty baby clap your hands
It's gonna take a little (oh)
Oh oh oh Persuasion
Do do do do do Persuasion
Oh oh oh Persuasion
You know what I mean now
Adore that shape
I really really don't know why
But as long as I live
I just can't help but try
Please don't say you love me,
you saw us in a crystal
Every time you do that
I'm reaching for my pistol
Clap your hands,
pretty baby clap your hands
It's gonna take a little (oh)
Oh oh oh Persuasion
Do do do do do Persuasion
Oh oh oh Persuasion
You know what I mean now
Less about yesterday,
more about forever
Keep it nice and simple,
try not to be clever
It's nice to be right but on this occasion
Less about perhaps, more about Persuasion!
Oh oh oh Persuasion
Do do do do do Persuasion
Oh oh oh Persuasion
You know what I mean now

by Adam Ant

Thursday, November 6, 2008






Tif bought us tickets to see MIZZOU play K-State this weekend for my Birthday (Go ME!). I am very fired up about seeing this game. I am off today and took SNOOKY to get her nails and hair done (she's currently wearing a bow that the ladies at PetsMart put on her collar), and shopped for a Kennel to board my dog at this weekend. So my D O G smells good and we are a go for MIZZOU! I am downloading a bunch of pictures I found on the Internet, I will take a BUNCH of pictures from this weekend's safari...



MIZZOU RAH! MIZZOU RAH! TIGERS!



David<~~~~~~~~~never thought I'd be like this!









Funny Video!

If I get a cat I'm going to name it http://rathergood.com/princess_twinkly/ ...

We sold out of Newspapers at work...

We sold out of every single Newspaper at work yesterday. Everyone wanted a 'hard copy' of the News to save to show their Grandkids. It is a good day in America. I am very proud of my fellow voters, the correct decision was made. Here is what 'I hope' for my Government. I HOPE that Obama doesn't let the EXTREME LEFT make life miserable for the Conservatives of America. I HOPE that Obama keeps his policies "Moderate" and governs for the WHOLE of America, and NOT the crazies in the Democratic Party. I HOPE that everyone sees that the last eight years shows us what happens when a President lets the crazies/BIG BUSINESS/special interest groups in his Party run the Government. I would not wish that on anyone, even Republicans...

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Conservative Liberal!






(you say 'Potato', I say 'Moderate')

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

IT'S ELECTION DAY!

I HOPE EVERYONE BRAVED THE LINES AND VOTED TODAY! Tif and I were in line at our Polling place at 5am and was in and out and at work at 6:30am! Gotta love America! OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Voter!

Sunday, November 2, 2008



Who is this strange person?

The journal is dead...

LONG LIVE THE JOURNAL!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween was a BLAST!

Tif and I went to 'Fright Fest' at Six Flags last night. OK, it's official ... I'm OLDE! I have always not liked the "negative G" rides, but last night I only rode TWO, count'm TWO rides. The first was Evil Knievel. Evil Knievel is a brand new 'Wooden' Roller Coaster. I'm fat, and everytime we ROARED over a hill and experienced "negative G's" and I rose out of my seat, pressed against the seat restraint and I thought it was going to fail and that I was going to die. Not kidding, it felt like I was going to die. Not funny ha-ha "I'm going to die", Water-boarding "I'm going to die". First and last big ride of the evening. And to add insult to injury, the second ride we rode was a 'kiddie' Haunted Boat ride based on the Scooby Doo series. You ride through on this boat armed with guns and you zap things to make spooky things happen in this Haunted Boat ride. Tif scored WAY higher than I did shooting the bad guys! I'm going to have Tif scan in the picture of us in the Boat and I'll add it to this post later (something is wrong with my scanner). We also had our picture taken when we first walked into the park, I'll attach that'n too... Seriousily, Water-boarding "I'm going to die"...

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~OLDE!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween Faithful Readers...

I'm not dressing up for work today, my Jungle Explorer costume is kaput. So I'm just wearing Orange and Black for the day. I hope everyone has a great Halloween....BOO!

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~loves me some Halloween!

Thursday, October 30, 2008



The Girlfriend forwarded this to me, you should always check your kid's homework (her Mom worked at Home Depot, she's selling a shovel)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

I just found this on the Internet...



I found this while searching thru other Blogs with the same interests as mine...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Welcome to the new home of my Journal!

I have successfully transferred my Journal from AOHell to Blogger.com. Thank You to GOOGLE for providing this service. The pictures did not transfer over, so I have to save ALL of the old pictures and try to re-insert the pictures into the new Journal entries...


David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HAPPY!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

This is being forwarded around the internet...

Date:
Sun, 12 Oct 2008 20:46:46 -0400
 
A Message from your Queen:

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth  II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.  The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of  '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.  The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent.  Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.  If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anythingmore dangerous than a vegetable peeler.  Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.  At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.   Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon.  Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips.  Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.  Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.  Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of  known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.  South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.  They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.  American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.  Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.  Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football.  There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). 
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.  Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.  You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13. You must tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
------------------

God Save the Queen!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I'm going to have to move my Journal

Just when you think AOL can't suck any worse, they go and prove you wrong.  No one should ever have anything to do with AOL.  Quite simply they are the worst and most incompetent Internet Service in the World...

 

 

Dear AOL Journals user,

We’re sorry to inform you that on Oct. 31, 2008, AOL® Journals will be shut down permanently. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

It’s very important that you save your Journals content before the shutdown. We're working on a way to easily move your Journal to another blogging service -- you can expect an email within the next week with more details about how to do it. We want the transition to go as smoothly as possible for you, so you’ll have two choices. You can either save your information manually and find another place to blog on your own, or choose to automatically transfer your Journal to a different blogging service we’ve selected.

In the meantime, please bookmark the People Connection Blog, where you can find out more about AOL Journals. You can also subscribe to the People Connection Blog RSS feed to stay informed about any changes. We’ll be updating the People Connection Blog often, so please check it regularly.

Thank you for your patience and understanding as we make this transition.

Sincerely,

The AOL Journals Team

 

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Impressed at AOL's incompetence

 

 

Friday, September 26, 2008

Sitting here in my underwear with a freshly shaven neck...

 

 

 

Howdy faithful readers,

I am in Florida attending my National Store Manager's Meeting.  We are staying at The Shingle Creek Resort in Orlando.  Really nice place, I will take some pictures and post them here soon.  The first night I walked out of my Hotel Room and forgot my camera and thought tonight is only Janet Evanovich no big deal, I don't need to run back and grab the camera.  So...  Sitting at Dinner Steve Riggio starts talking about how he loves this book and he needs our help 'Hand Selling' it this Holiday Season and why not bring the Author out on stage... And out walks Paul Simon to talk about his new book of lyrics for the Holiday Season.  I could have shot myself.  I have ALL of Simon & Garfunkel's Records.  He is looking not so good nowadays, but I can't show you all a picture BECAUSE I DIDN'T BRING MY CAMERA TO THE DINNER!  OK, enough self flaggelation.  I did get pictures of Ted Turner and Raphael Saadiq last night and I will download them on my Webshots Album and put some on here too.  Today is the Trade Show with the Author Signings so I will have more material soon...  Wish me luck!

 

 

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~no longer Camera-less!

 

 

 

Saturday, September 20, 2008

my cat died this week...

My cat's name was Popeye, I rescued him in Columbia MO a long time ago.  Someone had shot him in the eye and it had swollen up, hence his name.   He was a good cat.

 

                        David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Misses my cat Popeye!

 

 

 

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Today is my B-Day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DAVID...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

 

 

(and many more................................................................................................................................)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Latest Conner pic...

My GF is away on Vacation

Tif is in Florida with her family on Vacation, and I can't wait till she comes back to Missouri...

Friday, September 5, 2008

  Bon Ton Roule!

 

 

 

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Here is an image of John Agnew's 'Day and Night'

(the original has sold, but I may get a print of it someday- DAS)

 

 

Friday, August 15, 2008

baby David...

(and the littler one is Mark)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Dairy Queen

Last Night Tif and I hop into the car and motor across the street to Dairy Queen to grab some desert after the wonderful tacos Tif made for Dinner.  We are just chatting away waiting in line at the drive-thru.  When our turn comes to the Menu Board, I order two Buster Bars and Tif decides she wants a mini French Silk Blizzard.  In a fit of onreiness I order extra 'silk' for the Blizzard.  Much to my suprise, on the electronic Menu Board underneath the Blizzard order pops up this text:  -extra French Silk .40.  We started giggling and had NO idea what extra French Silk actually was, but I paid for it!  Life is funny...

 

 

                                                            David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ONREY!

 

 

 

Monday, August 4, 2008

The Breaking Dawn Party was a BIG success!

Here is a picture of a pretty volunteer at my Breaking Dawn Midnight Release Party!

(isn't she cute?)

 

 

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lucky Guy!

 

 

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Who's that good looking boy?

my little brother Mark and his son CONNER!

 

 

DAVID<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~happy Uncle!

 

 

Monday, July 21, 2008

The GF was kind enough to accompany me on a small roadtrip...

ON A HOT JULY DAY, TIF & I DROVE TO...

Columbia Missouri!  My old College stomping grounds...

Booches, a Billards Hall that sells the BEST Hamburgers!

When asked the secret of his success, the Cook replied,

"I never clean the grill"  Gotta love Booches...

 

 

David<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nostalgic Sum Of A Beech!